Why Do Women Stay In Abusive Relationships?

Here are some shocking reasons women stay in abusive relationships.

what women suffer in abusive relationships
No matter the reason, abuse comes in many forms or shapes. It could be physical, sexual, emotional or psychological. Abuse doesn’t affect women only. it affects all genders (male and female). But, statistically, women are predominantly the ones that suffer from various abuses the most.

Globally, women are predominately affected. In the US alone, nearly a third of women experience domestic violence in their lifetime. That is really high for a country with a working system. What about those countries that cannot give proper account of those been abused? On a typical day in the US, more than 20,000 phone calls are made to domestic abuse hotlines – that is incredible.

Many people are subjected to abuse because it’s way easier to fall prey to abusive behavior. You don’t even realize on time that you’re being abused in the first place. So, once stuck in that cycle it’s difficult to leave.

An abuser systematically breaks down your spirit, your self-confidence, self-worth, and opinions of themselves over a long period of time, to the point where you distrusts your own thoughts, feelings, and even beliefs. You just find yourself doubting every single thing you do. If care is not taking, those around you might think you have mental breakdown because your behavior will so change that you don’t know it.

After a while, they replace these personal characteristics with despair, heartbreak, disappointment, self-loathing, and doubt. Making you easier to manipulate and feeling as though you must stay with them because you’re worthless to anyone else.

In fact, several forms of abuse can lead to mental disorder.

Read: What To Do When In A Verbally Abusive Relationship

Leaving an abusive relationship is harder than you think

I have a friend, Jessica (not real name) who was in an emotionally abusive relationship some time ago. She stayed for far longer than she should have. Even though I pointed it to her, she still couldn’t leave. Although, he never physically abused her, emotional abuse can be just as soul destroying and difficult to break out of because the bruises and scars aren’t visible.

He had all the traditional behavior of an abuser: he was annoyingly controlling, mood swings, ferociously manipulative, intimidation and he’s got great bullying techniques. He is rated A++ for his abusive nature. For years he picked away at her self-esteem, gaslighted her, and often told her she could never leave him because no one would love someone like her. And she beyond doubt believed him.

Thanks to goodness, she eventually realized how toxic and consuming the relationship was, and so she left (though, after several failed breakups). When she was in the relationship, his behavior became so normalized that for years she thought all problems were entirely her fault. It took her over a year to realize what she experienced was abuse. It’s a difficult mentality to break from. Thanks to her friends who stood by her and continuously talked to her with love about her abusive partner and reasons why she needs to break free from his grip.

How to spot an abuser.

It is very important to spot red flags as quickly as possible when you start dating someone. Be suspicious of intrusive or controlling behavior. Always trust your instincts when it comes to intrusive or controlling behavior. An abuser tries controlling 80% or every aspect of your life and this includes — the way you dress, your work place or make you change your occupation by giving flimsy reasons why you must change occupation or career, who you hang out with, and where you go. They also control you time. They tell you when to be home, how many hours to spend with your family, etc. the list is unending.

Their plan, subconscious or not, is to destroy what makes you who you are and replace it with what they find appealing and easy to manipulate. There is no specific archetype of an abuser. Just because someone appears to be caring or soft spoken with a successful career and loads of friends, it doesn’t mean they aren’t potentially an abusive partner. Someone could be very social and yet very abusive and manipulative when it comes to their partner. Many people out there believe they should control their partner and in achieving that, they become abusive and manipulative.

Many women are not believed when they try and out an abusive partner because there is still a massively misguided notion that being a good friend makes you a good person. In reality, it is possible for someone to be well liked and respected amongst their friends, but violent, paranoid, or wildly aggressive behind closed doors.

It is also important to note it doesn’t have to be severe or physical for it to be considered abuse. Abuse comes in different forms and shapes. They don’t have to lay a finger on you for it to scar or damage your spirit. Look out for any gaslighting, humiliation, excessive infidelity, blame shifting, hypercriticism, unreasonable jealousy, extreme mood swings, and obsessive behaviors.

If you find the person you date is abusive, don’t try to reason with them or give second chances. Just leave and move on. You won’t be able to change them, because their behavior is so deeply ingrained that they don’t even realize it.

Understanding why women stay in abusive relationships doesn’t have a simple answer. Abusive relationship is so complicated and multi-dimensional that it’s not so simple to suggest if someone is abused they should just take a bow. Instead learn to support them and educate yourself so you don’t fall a victim.

Read: Why Do Good People Have Bad Relationships?

Why do women stay in abusive relationships? Here are 15 shocking reasons why

Sadly, there is still a huge stigma attached to abuse. Often times, a lot of victim blaming still occurs. It’s a difficult subject to deal with and often leads to many people asking, “Why do women stay in abusive relationships?” why can’t they just leave?

What would be the justification of staying put, knowing how badly they’re treated? In reality, the solution is not as simple as it seems.

1. Maybe he’ll change.

After suffering extensive mental manipulation and so many failed attempts at leaving, many women often hope that this time will be different.

They cling desperately to the hope that the man they love will come to his senses that they believe his lies when he claims he’s capable of change. This is a lie lots of women tell themselves in trying to change an abusive partner. It just doesn’t work that way.

Read: 7 Relationship Compromises You Should Never Make

2. Complete reliance on their partner.

Some abusers manipulate their partner into codependency and reliance on them and this is another working method abuser use in preying their victim. Many abused women who don’t have solid, full time jobs rely solely on their partner to be the bread-winner in the house. Sometimes the abuser controls what money their partner accesses, making it more difficult to leave. Many women fall victim to abusers because of codependency and absolute reliance on their partner. Some abusers carefully prey their victim. They always search for women who are not financially stable because they are easier to manipulate. It doesn’t mean rich ladies don’t fall for an abuser – abusers are very skillful.

3. They are not done loving them.

Love could be funny. When you have not been in an abusive relationship, it seems foolish to still love your abuser, but it’s very common. You feel like you still see something in them that redeems all the things they put you through. Isn’t that crazy?

Jessica was finally strong enough to leave an abusive relationship when she realized love alone wasn’t enough to keep them together.

4. Such women give too many second chances.

With reference to #1, when you’re treated as a bathmat, forgiving starts to come easily to you. The victim feels like they should justify the actions of their partner and explain away their actions.

They’re accustomed to hearing their partner apologize and promise they’ll do better. They let them off because they love them and hope they’ll change.

Read: 9 Early Signs of a Possessive Man You Don't Want to Overlook

5. They’re fooling themselves.

Once their self worth and confidence has been shattered repeatedly, they become accustomed to turning to the one person who shows them “love.” Soon they think this is all they deserve. Either out of love or pressure, they stay put and accept what they’re told their place is, while believing things will eventually get better if they try harder at being a good partner.

6. They feel rapt in the relationship.

Many women feel they can’t leave. And you wonder why? Sometimes it is for reasons like their partner emotionally blackmails them by saying they’ll commit suicide if they leave or that no one else will love them. This psychological torture convinces them that it’s better to stay and deal with their circumstance than risk it and go.

7. They’ve tried to leave and failed.

Yes, there’re too many cases to count of women who left their abuser, only to be tracked down and beaten, threatened, or sweet-talked into coming back. Leaving often has repercussions, especially in physically abusive relationships, even death. So many women don’t attempt it.

8. They fear for their lives.

Abuse is no joke. With reference to #7, it often leads to women being terrified to leave in case their partner turns violent. Every day around three women are murdered by a current or former male partner. Leaving without repercussions is difficult for an abused women.

9. They still want to believe they’re loved, even when they know the truth.

They may still be truly convinced that their abusive partner loves them. Or their partner has a different way of showing love. This is a lie they chose to tell themselves.

10. They have nowhere to go.

In some situations, escaping a nasty or cruel environment is very difficult when you share a home with the abuser. Especially when one of the partner (the victim) is financially incapacitated. In order to fully get away, some take up anonymity and move to a totally new place is necessary sometimes. Moving from your homeland, renting a new apartment, and moving away from all of your friends, family and job is too much to put up with, so they stay. They continue to endure in the abusive relationship.

Read: 10 Vital Signs Of A Controlling Partner

11. They hold themselves responsible for any wrong in the relationship.

Lots of abused people are subjected to destruction of their self esteem. This is done by their abuser with a well planned out pattern. They repeatedly hear they’re the one at fault for any problems that crop up in the relationship. They’re so brainwashed they just assume they’re wrong.

12. They fear no one will believe their story.

Many cases of abuse go unreported and scot-free because oftentimes, when women lay complain, they aren’t believed. Mind you, not only women are victims of abusive partners. The statistic of men being abusive is increasing by the moment. To get full proof of any form of abuse, you must document evidence every day or anytime it happens. Else, there’s no proof other than bruises or scars which the abuser can deny. And if you’re emotionally abused, there’s rarely any or no physical evidence to use.

13. They don’t want a botched marriage.

There’re thousands of women who simply cannot walk out of their marriage because they share children with the abuser. In this situation, they hate the idea of going through the painful, expensive process of divorce. They also don’t want to put their children through a separation or, worse, leave them behind. In some cases, no child is even involve, but the fear of becoming divorced and single again scare them to their bones. But walking out could be the honest best thing they could ever do for themselves.

14. They feel pressured by other people around them.

Pressure to remain in a toxic relationship doesn’t always come from the abuser. Sometimes it comes from friends and family. At times it’s easier for people to dismiss typically abusive behavior when they’re not in the relationship. They say things like: “He’s probably not that bad,” “He’s never been horrible to me,” “I’m sure he didn’t mean it,” “But he is a nice guy,” etc.

15. They don’t even realize they’re in a toxic relationship.

Sometimes, especially with psychological or emotional abuse, it’s difficult to understand what abuse looks and feels like. Except someone calls you out. It’s easy to be talked into believing their behavior is normal, or that you’re the catalyst for their mood swings. Remember that most abusers know how to sweet talk. It took Jessica several years to recognize the signs of abuse and accept it was time to move on.

Picture: Pixabay
Why Do Women Stay In Abusive Relationships? Why Do Women Stay In Abusive Relationships? Reviewed by Civian on 15:20 Rating: 5

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