When we were much younger, developing friendships and relationships were much simpler. To a larger extent, it had to do with who was in your proximity, environment or available at that specific time in your life.
It is normal that as we grow older, our paths go different ways and
we can now make choices on the type of people we want around us. It could be
for career purpose, business or otherwise and sometimes just adjust to the
rhythm which life is moving and sure our relationships changes too.
A vast part of our life is for cultivating various relationships
ranging from family and friends, including romantic partners, colleagues at
work etc.
As we grow into adulthood, it sure gets harder to keep up with
our circle of friends developed over time especially when we now have our
family to care for, developing our career and life generally.
To Nurture positive relationships, you must first accept that
certain relationships will have to change or completely dropped – taking a walk
out of it.
To achieve more in life, you must Nurture and maintain the
positive relationships in your life.
Here’s how to check if
you are nurturing positive relationships in your life.
1. How do you converse with yourself (your inner thoughts)
In nurturing positive relationships, our inner thoughts are less
talked about. Apparently, they’re the most important of them all.
Most often, we speak to ourselves differently from how we speak
to others. We may send positive vibrations to people around us while we’re
harder, more unforgiving and completely negative to ourselves. In turn, this
will affect the relationships we have with those around us because they’ll
eventually see what you’re going through.
I totally agree to the fact that everyone goes through negative
self experience,
but it comes down to how we allow the experience to bend us and what we do with
the experience.
One of the consequences that come from negative self experience
includes poor or low self-esteem which will later affect our relationships.
Example of negative self experience includes:
Ø
“I’m single because I’m not good enough to be with anyone.”
Ø
“I don’t get invited because I don’t know how to keep friends.”
I’m sure you won’t tell a friend such things as to their
predicaments. I’m sure not. So why allow these thoughts with yourself?
Our inner thoughts have a way of attracting themselves to us. So
keep your inner conversations POSITIVE at
all time to help you nurture positive relationships daily.
2. Invest in lifelong friendships that grow
I have a healthy long-distance friendship with my roommate from
the University and some right from High School because we make it a point to
check-in as often as possible.
A friend, Nyerhovwo told me of her longtime friend “Dammy”. I
realized they’ve built their relationship overtime by having same interest in
most part of their lives even though distance has kept them apart, the time
spent together is still as fresh as it where and they keep tab on each other.
Whether it’s a quick ten minutes check on social media help
bring bursts of energy throughout the day and even weeks for any relationship –
world apart or not.
3. How do you converse with others
With reference to #1, have you taken time to listen to how you converse
and carry conversations with your family and friends, your significant other,
business partners, colleagues at work, that homeless man in the street, drivers
etc and most importantly – YOU.
Most often we get caught up in other thoughts, that we literally
don’t pay attention to the language that we’re using or how we’re using it
while conversing with others. For instance:
Ø Are you
really present and attentive when having time out with your family?
Ø How do
you respond to gossip?
Ø Are you
on your phone chatting while on a date night with your significant other?
Ø How do
you respond to stress originated from people around you?
Ø How
well do you relate with colleagues at work and your boss?
Ø Do you
have a good relationship with your neighbors?
Knowing how you feel when these conversations are occurring is
as important as the conversation. Part of nurturing positive relationships
means making sure you feel good when you have them because it’s the experience
we feel on a daily basis that shapes our days ahead.
Peradventure, you notice you’re surrounded by flow of negative
energy, try separating yourself from those or try changing the direction of the
conversation.
If you noticed you’re always on your phone during family time, look
a little deeper and see what is taking your attention of what is so important and
why it’s so.
It’s very important to be where our mind is at that moment.
4. How do you feel at work
Healthy and positive relationships with colleagues at work is
always ideal, but it’s not always the case.
First of; ask yourself if you like what you are doing. Do you
enjoy your current job? How do you feel about work? What kind of energy flow from
your inside out when your job is mentioned?
Emotions and energy really matters here. If “you’re feeling good
or bad at work” will either attract your coworkers to you or away from you. I’m
sure you don’t want to invite negative Tosin to coffee and listen to her
complain about all her colleagues in her department.
If you’re feeling good at work and enjoying what you do, you’ll
feel more aligned and in tune with those around you which eventually leads to
healthier relationships.
5. Recognize that relationship should be treated as partnership
Your significant other has seen the worst and best parts of you
that makes you normal.
There’s no relationship without highs and lows. There are
moments when the romance may feel fizzled or caught up in relationship tension and
there’re times both of you’re just unstoppable.
Besides having a positive relationship, it also means having healthy
arguments. There’s
no relationship without arguments especially at the early
stage when you’re knowing each other.
Funny enough, you keep knowing your partner in marriage. In
other words, there’s no stop to learning in marriage. You don’t graduate from
this school because everyone is a student.
If you’re able to have a disagreement without screaming and
disturbing the neighbors while taking steps to figure out the problem together,
then you’re on the right track.
Here are some things to keep in mind during an argument:
Ø Is your
partner still first during disagreements?
Ø Do you
agree to disagree?
Ø Are you
both looking for a solution to the problem?
Ø Do you
prefer a safe way out?
Ø Are you
able to place your pride / ego aside and listen during argument?
Nurturing a positive relationship means understanding the
situation from the other person’s perspective, while coming up with a solution
together. It involves good communication.
Relationship =
Partnership – Dictatorship.
6. Do you share core values?
It can get harder to make friends – good friends as we get
older.
Younger ones have a common bonding ground. Eg: Favorite television shows, school sports where
we reside. But as we develop careers, different life ideology, have families,
and expand our growth on every facet, it may be hard to keep up with our inner
circle, let alone ourselves.
Note that it’s not distance that keeps people and relationships
apart, but the differences in core values.
Take the case of Nyerhovwo
and Dammy in #2 above: though they’re world apart but they still keep tab on
each other. This is possible because they share same core values in certain
areas of their lives.
From research, we seek mental company over physical
company,
and this becomes more prominent as we get older.
Note: Not all core values have to be the same or related. Having
different value and ideas also promote positive relationships.
The lessons we learn reflects on how we communicate with others.
It helps us grow and understand the values that we are bringing into our
relationships and in turn add value to those relationships.
All it takes is a few
moments of checking-in with others as well as yourself.
Picture: Pexels
How To Tell If You Are Nurturing Positive Relationships
Reviewed by Civian
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Reviewed by Civian
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