Being unloved isn’t an uncommon feeling. We think we’re unloved with hope of being loved when we’ve just gone through a bumpy breakup with the one you profess love or after watching a particularly romantic movie/series forgetting they played out a script. The main problem with this feeling is when we feel hopeless about love all the time.
It is almost impossible to spend our days feeling
loved by everyone and everything we come into contact with. In fact, it’s
pretty normal to not feel loved every now and then. But if you’re frequently
thinking or even saying, “I just want to be loved,” then there may be more to
your situation than the ordinary. Remember that annoying people will definitely
cross your path every now and then.
Read: The
15 Best Ways To Avoid Annoying People
Just as the fingers aren’t equal, so is not everyone
that get to live their life with the warm feelings of being loved. Instead,
some search for this cozy feeling (love) saying “I just want to be loved” and
the following just might be the reason.
You might want to ask - Why is
feeling loved so great?
Being loved feels so amazing because it’s such a powerful
feeling that drives us as humans to exist.You may think there isn’t anything
that great about being loved. Then, you have not experienced true love. If
you’ve had this wonderful experience, you’ll long for it.
Read: What
Is The Meaning Of Love – Defining True Love
As humans, it’s in our nature to want to feel loved
and accepted by others (family, friends and of cause our significant other). Our
innate desire is to find others to love us.
The trouble with feeling un-loved starts when we
don’t feel loved, it affects us more than any other feeling.
The likely reasons for feeling you
just want to be loved:
There’s a difference between feeling not loved and
that people don’t love you. Everyone wants to be loved. But some people want it
for different reasons and in a certain way.
If you frequently find yourself thinking and saying,
“I just want to be loved,” then you may be doing so because of some likely
reasons as stated below. These are some of the reasons you may not feel loved
even though you’re loved by others.
1. You just
went through a breakup and you’re lonely.
It’s ok to feel you’re not loved when you just had a
breakup. You may even find you feel like you’ll never be loved again if it was
bad breakup.
If you’ve just been through a situation where one
person stopped feeling love for you, you may feel as though everyone in your
life stopped loving you. It makes you desperate enough to say something like,
“I just want to be loved.”
Most often, breakups come with loneliness and that’s
why you’re advised to keep or have a life outside your relationship. Keep a
good score sheet with your family and friends. Run away from a partner that
want you isolated from family and friends. They just might not have a good plan
for you and the future of the relationship.
2. You’re
lonely.
With reference to #1, if you’re single and have been
for a while now, you may start thinking you’re not loved and the
thought/feeling “I just want to be loved” keeps playing in your mind. If you
haven’t felt romantic love in a long time, it’s pretty easy to keep playing
this over and over again in your head.
If get worseif you live alone and spend most of your
time away from people.Because loneliness is part of your routine, you may start
feeling like you just want to be loved. When you don’t spend time with those
that actually do love you, it’s easier to forget that they do love you and care
a lot about your wellbeing.
3. Depression.
Ok, depression, hmm, it’s like a disease and needs
urgent treatment. Depression is a very serious problem that many people suffer
from coupled with the Coronavirus pandemic ravaging the entire world. Cases of
depression is constantly on the rise.
Read: How
To Easily Deal With Depression In Your Relationship
It’s not just breakups that cause depression. Job
loss, abusive relationships, etc can cause depression.
Depression is not just sadness. It’s a feeling of
hopelessness, great despair and deep loneliness.
Depression can make you feel unloved and like you
don’t even want to step out of the house that day. If you suddenly feel this
way, coupled with your feelings of just wanting to be loved, you could be
suffering from depression and not even realize it.
Depression is like computer virus eating up files
from the computer unknown to the owner of the device. Depression has lots of
negativity attached to it. With depression come health issues. In fact, if
allowed to stay for long, the state of your mind could be questioned.
Read: Early
Signs Of Depression Caused By Your Relationship
4. Your expectations are
way too high.
It’s all good to have expectations or targets as
described in some quarters. The only problem is that some people don’t realize
they’re expecting far much out of life or from their supposedly partner and the
feeling of being loved. You may be setting your expectations way too high. It
leaves you feeling like you’re unloved even when love is staring right at your
face.
Put yourself into a realistic mindset when it comes
to feeling loved and choosing love. You can’t expect that the feeling of
someone else loving you is going to suddenly solve all your earthly problems.
If you have a habit of saying, “I just want to be loved,” all the time, there
may be an underlining problem.
Love is a universal language and there shouldn’t be
bearers between you and your love. I don’t mean you should not make good
choices but your standard or expectations should be realistic enough. Some
people will say they prefer dating/marry someone of same color or race, my
question is: what if you’re deeply in love with someone of a different color or
race, will you allow that come between you two? It’s still your choice to make
anyways. Just ensure your goals or expectations are realistic enough.
5. You don’t
love yourself enough yet.
If you don’t have self-love, you’ll feel
more-lonely. You’ll feel like you’re missing something great out there. In
fact, you’ll feel locked in a closet with no key. You’ll also feel something huge
is missing in your life.
Now, all you’ll think all day is finding love from
other people who are busy with their lives. This has you trying to fill that
void with love from other people. Leaving you always saying, “I just want to be
loved.” First thing first, #selflove
6. You spend
too much time with unloving and annoying people.
Are you surrounded with people that care so much about
you and are actually vocal about it or do you spend your time and energy with
those that don’t really care about how you feel and are not loving toward you?
It beats my imagination how people surround themselves with those that careless
about them.
The people you spend the majority of your time with
have the ability to shape the way you feel and think about yourself. If you’re
spending time with the wrong people you feel less than loved. It keeps you
craving for love.
7. Your
friends are busy with their life.
Everyone has a life including your friends and some
of them may be busier with theirs. Sure this leaves you feeling lonely, left
out and you may even miss having them around. And for some people, they
completely isolate themselves because their friends are busy. You really don’t
need to do that. All it takes is to realize your friends have their lives just
the way identical twin have theirs.
Understand that just because someone is busy doesn’t
mean they don’t love and care about you anymore.
8. You’re jealous of
someone’s love.
Okay, it’s normal to feel or yarn to be loved when
you’re jealous of someone else love. If all you do is pay attention to the way
someone else is being loved, it’s going to make you think you don’t have a drop
of love from anyone. You may be obsessed with a certain couple in your
environment or a celebrity relationship on social media, and it blinds you to
the love you have already and this makes you feel like you just want to be
loved, even though you are loved.
9. You can’t control
everything.
The earlier you realize
this, the better for you. You are not in charge of the universe and there are
so many things you cannot put under your control when it comes to dating/relationship. You
could be intelligent, smart, beautiful, handsome, super kind and doing
everything possibly right, but still end up on terrible dates or in
relationships that just don’t go anywhere.
This is because people
have minds of their own. You don’t have this in your control. You might meet
someone who is perfect for you on paper, looks, etc. But they’re simply not
ready to date you at the moment.
You might also meet
someone who thinks you’re incredible, but their ex ends up walking back into
the perfect picture you’ve already painted in your head. So the next time
something happens that is totally out of your control, accept that you can’t do
nothing to change it and gladly move on.
10. You’ve watched way too
many romantic movies or shows.
You may think it’s funny but it’s not. A lot of
people start feeling unloved when they’ve watched too much romantic movies,
hence comparing their love story with the one played out on screen. This is one
of the main reasons hundreds of people are under pressure to be loved.
These movies are made for you to wish for that love
in your life, but most are not realistic and you may find yourself yarning for
love especially if you place your standard base on them. If you keep focusing
on wanting the love that’s in a movie, you’ll never be satisfied with the
lovecurrently in your life.
11. Don’t get stuck
in old and bad dating habits.
One thing about dating is
finding the right or near right match. Maybe you decide to continue dating people
who aren’t a good match for you and you don’t even realize you’re doing so.
Maybe you select emotionally unavailable individuals or maybe you go for
someone who’s got issues with their self-confidence because you like the idea
of being able to fix things.
You just might get hurt or
feel taken advantage of if things don’t work the way you expected. Take a close
look at your past relationships and try see if there are any common
characteristics between them and if there are, changing them will now be possible
since you’ve spotted those habits.
Read: Annoying
10 Big Habits That Guys Hate-Ladies Watch Out!
Read: Annoying
30 Habits That Every Girl Hate – Men Watch Out!
12. There is no right time
to fall in love.
Many get frustrated when
they continue to go on dates with dead end because they put themselves on
some ridiculous timeline. They think they have to find their
dream partner, then deeply fall in love and of they go - get married by a
certain age. And with this self imposed timeline, pressure builds up and they worry
about what their friends or what society will think and say about them if they
aren’t there yet.
Just like your first kiss,
your first relationship, etc, there’s no right time to fall in love and it’s not
an achievement you have to tick off by a certain age.
13. You have no one really
close to you.
If you don’t have at least someone close to you that
you can call friend, you could be feeling unloved. There’s a certain feeling of
being really connected with someone in a close manner—even if it’s just in
friend zone. This will make you feel all warm deep within.
Read: 15
Ways To Find Good Friends No Matter Your Age
But if you don’t feel this, then it could be because
you haven’t found that true friend you can open up to and be vulnerable at same
time.
Also, you could feel like you’re missing something
in your life if you don’t have anyone to share intimacy with in a strong
emotional way.
Read: How
to Be Friends with Someone You Like without Losing Your Mind This Christmas
How To Feel Loved
Feeling unloved can be a raw and
really scaring experience. However, you may not know how much you are actually
loved because of miscommunication or misunderstanding between you and your
family, friends and even your significant other.
Most often, we feel unloved because
we've shut others out and positioned our minds in away that we don’t feel
loved. You can open yourself up to those feelings again and encourage the
people you love to open up and show they love in return.
Here is how to feel loved:
1. Develop your self-esteem.
Do you know you could be loved by
others and yet still feel unloved? Typically, this is because we have a hard
time believing that someone else could love you because you can't love yourself.
If you feel unloved by others, the best place to start is to learning to love
yourself first – self-love.
Develop yourself-esteem by celebrating
your positives and acknowledging your negatives while working on them gradually.
Read: 14 Causes,
Effects and Healing Of Low Self-esteem
2. Understand what
love looks like.
It’s obvious most people don’t know
what love looks like. They think and feel it should be rosy all the way just as
seen in romantic movies.
Though sometimes, really horrible
people in our lives will convince us that love looks different than it actually
does. Don't let them get you confused because love should not hurt any, love
should not feel one-sided and love shouldn't feel or be conditional. The moment
you don’t find these three in any romantic relationship, then it’s not love.
Read: What
Is The Meaning Of Love – Defining True Love
3. Keep your feelings open.
This is pretty hard to do, but it’s
the best way to stop the feeling of being unloved from reoccurring. Let your
friends know how you feel about yourself. Let them know you're having problems
too. And when they say they love you, go ahead and take them at their word. Always
allow them the opportunity to show it when they want to and stop shutting them out.
4. Get a pet.
A dog or cat is a great way to feel
loved. Our pets love us and rely on us a lot
5. Spend quality time with your significant
other.
Know that the more time you spend with
your partner, the more you know them on a deeper level building stronger bong
together. Ensure to use your time together properly in a way you connect better.
This means to let things flow naturally.
Try to enjoy every minute you spend
together by having undivided attention.
You’re somebody who is worthy of love.We’re led to believe that if we’re not
in a happy relationship, then there’s something wrong with us – so wrong.
6. Initiate productive
chats with your partner, friends and even strangers.
With reference to #5, one of the best ways to spend quality time
with your partner or friends is to have quality/productive conversations with
them. If you really want to feel more loved, you should create close
relationships by initiating quality chats.
However, these conversations don’t have to be dreamy; they should
be honest and reciprocal. Besides, the result of such conversations may be
great because you have a chance to speak frankly with your loved one, at the
same time, you have a chance to be heard and develop effective listening
skills.
7. Effective listening skill.
Be patient enough to listen effectively when the other person is
talking if you must get something out of #5 and #6. Listening is a gift and if
you know how to use it, everyone will want to be close to you because you’ll
listen to them pour out their hearts. As humans, we always want to be heard.
8. Use cute love
paragraphs for him.
Heart melting love paragraphs can be really powerful things that
will help you keep the flame of your relationships and encourage your loved one
to express her or his feelings to you. Use flirty text messages and flattering
quotes, cute wake up texts and passionate morning paragraphs for her in order to inspire your partner
and tell about your deep love. That’s really great because your partner will be
so delighted after getting such a lovely message and you will feel the same way
after receiving a romantic response.
9. Use
physical touches like hugs and kisses or massages.
Expert recommends physical touches for healthy relationships. When
you practice affectionate touches, you both feel much closer to each other.
According to scientists, pleasant touches increases the level of oxytocin in
the brain. Oxytocin is the chemical responsible for uniting people and it makes
you and your partner connect deeper.
Read: Things
That Turn Girls On Every Man Should Know
Know that a string of bad dates can leave us in a permanent state
of insecurity and so we start looking inwards at what we can fix in order to be
more desirable and worthy of someone else’s love leading to “I just want to be
loved”.
We think we need the perfect beach body plus bikini
to match or the athletic bodythat we need to wear expensive clothes, or be an
expert when it comes to flirting before we find true love. True love might just
be staring at you and yet you don’t know.
Everyone feels like
they’re not loved at times, but if you have a habit of saying, I just want to
be loved, all the time; you may have a few problems. These are the likely reasons
you may be feeling this way.
Read: 10
Ways How To Change Your Mindset For A Happy And Successful Life
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