Techniques for Listening in Your Relationships

Listening and being active at the same time is one of the suggestions given to manage anger effectively from our post ‘Managing Anger in your Relationships’. For effectively listening and activeness, it means there is a good listener.  To achieve this, there are various techniques or methods that can be employed. 

listening abilities
Listening is an art learned. It takes time and practice to be a good listener.

For any disastrous relationship, it means none of the partners listens.  In fact it is frustrating when you listen and your partner does not take to corrections. BAD!

Communication is key in any relationship but unfortunately, we devote less amount of time to this basic ingredient for a successful relationship.

Great communication brings great result. Communication is the mother of solid foundation in relationships, in problem solving, uncompromising understanding and with great communication conflicts are easily resolved. Errors are quickly identified and averted. Self Confidence is built in the life of your children as a result of regular communication.  With great communication, your friends will always trust you and take to your advice because you do listen to them and at same time you are active to the topic of discuss when they come to you.

The following will help you develop a good listening technique and you should start with the one that best suit you. In other words, there is no particular way of developing yourself in this aspect.

1- Eye Contact

 In most of parts of the world, effective eye contact is a standard for communication.  Though in some other parts of the world this could mean disrespect especially if it involves a younger and pretty older person. Eye contact is very important as this will mean to the person talking to you that you pay rapt attention at what they are telling you. If you are busy with something when the person wants to talk, if you can stop what you are doing that moment stop it or reschedule the meeting explaining why you can’t stop what you are doing that time.  It shows you care.

2- Don’t Fake Attention but Pay Attention

 Listening has challenge which is to pay attention. Paying attention is a skill too. When you pretend to be paying attention whereas in reality you are not, you are really looking for trouble and if your partner / friend notice this they can ask you are question that will put you off balance thereby causing embarrassment on your part.  It does not mean you cannot look to other direction once awhile as normal person but you must be (a) attentive (b) physical / present (c) be ready to contribute because the person talking to you is not there for fancy.

3- Open Mindedness is Necessary as a good Listener

 when listening to someone, your mind needs to be open for proper evaluation. Don’t conclude the person position in your mind while the person is still talking. This will make you judge wrongly. Let them finish, then take a second before you reply.

4- Never Ever Interrupt

 When listening to a complaint or someone’s thought on an issue, Never Ever Interrupt except very necessary. If you interrupt unnecessarily you could evoke more anger. Some times when you interrupt could mean that:
(a)    The other person is saying nonsense  or what they are saying is wrong or does not apply
(b)   That they are taking too much of your time and get straight to the point
(c)    That they are not important
Our personality is different so also is our talking rate and assimilation rate. Just let the person express themselves the way they can to avoid further problem by increasing tension.

Read Understanding the Human Emotional Changes

5- Questions

 You can ask questions but only when the person / speaker pause a while and your question should be for clarity. That means the question should be based on the subject matter that you don’t understand. Any question outside the topic could be harming.

6- Put Yourself

 Putting once self in the person / speakers shoes means to feel what the speaker feels. Joyous, sadness, fear, etc. let them know you feel for them. You can give facial expressions to drive your point home. You can give a pat or nod to let them know you are with them all the way.

7- Feedbacks

 From point (6) feedbacks includes pats, facial expressions to let them know you are paying rapt attention is a good technique too. You can also use verbal expressions like ‘I understand’, ‘hmmm’,’ I see’ etc.

Put this to practice and get back to me.
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Techniques for Listening in Your Relationships Techniques for Listening in Your Relationships Reviewed by Civian on 18:37 Rating: 5


  1. Hi. I tried your techniques and did work wonders.

  2. I am happy for you peter. Best wishes


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